Two weeks ago, 33 year old Sarah Everard went missing after walking home from a friend's house in South London. Last week, Sarah Everard’s remains were discovered and a suspect was arrested for her kidnapping and murder. Women across the UK responded to this devastating crime by sharing their personal stories of sexual harassment as well as taking the opportunity to ask men for support so that women can feel and be safer in their communities.
“Virtually all young women in the UK have been subjected to sexual harassment, according to a survey from UN Women UK, which warns that most women have lost faith that the abuse will be dealt with. Among women aged 18-24, 97% said they had been sexually harassed, while 80% of women of all ages said they had experienced sexual harassment in public spaces.” - The Guardian
The reaction from men has been varied, from the #NotAllMen hashtag trending on Twitter to men reaching out to women to offer support. Scrolling through my social media feed, I came across a family friend who had posted a picture from a Grammys performance of two women dancing proactively asking if displays like these in the mainstream media are contributing towards men acting out these heinous crimes. This of course sparked debate in the comments section.
What angered me most about this post was that women in this person's life, as well as women across the UK, were calling out asking for men to do better and they had simply reacted to this by posting a status that inadvertently blamed women. Yes, perhaps the media industry does play a part in this issue, but why at this time focus your efforts on pinpointing one factor (out of many) that could be contributing towards violence against women rather than asking themselves how they can make a difference and take action to prevent these crimes from happening?
Across social media others have expressed their opinions, many asking what about violence against men and stating that not all men harm women. Of course, violence is prevalent in many areas of the world and has many victims, men, women, and children. However, Sarah Everard’s murder was an opportunity for women to have their voices heard. Women are tired of feeling unsafe and of the lack of freedom they face on a day to basis. For the men who have chosen to sit back and not listen, to blame women for these crimes, to share their opinions without taking any action, step up.
Every single man can use this opportunity to listen to the women in their lives, to their stories and to their pain. Even though not all men cause harm to women, all men can help to minimise these crimes by calling out their friends and family members when they speak derogatory about women. Men can become activists for preventing sexual violence and become an alley and support system to and for women.
Firstly, men need to understand and emphasise with how women feel on a day to day basis.
Imagine waking up in the morning and debating what to wear and how to style your hair so that you don’t draw too much unwanted attention.
Imagine having to check your phone is fully charged, share your location with your friends and family, tell them where you’re going and what time to expect you back, every time you leave the house.
Imagine walking to your desired location and having to make sure you only use main roads or even changing your route completely to avoid empty streets.
Imagine having to carry an alarm in your bag and be alert at all times when you’re out of your home.
Imagine having to get off a train early because you’ve been made to feel threatened or uncomfortable, using a taxi but only sitting in the back seat, having to get a bus instead of walking in the dark.
Imagine having to sit and plan escape routes or being told during your childhood to shout fire not rape.
Imagine feeling smaller, weaker, and helpless and the fear of not being able to fight for your life.
These are just some of to too common practices that women undertake on a daily basis, and most, we don’t even think about now, it’s embedded in us and we take these precautions because they're second nature to us. Women do not want to have to live their life in fear and here are just some of the ways men can help to make a difference.
Listen to women.
Reach out to the women in your life and ask how you can support them. If 80% of women in the UK have experienced sexual harassment, perhaps these recent devastating events have triggered their experiences.
Call out other men when they speak or act inappropriately towards women. If you never see or hear anything like this, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Spark a conversation between your male friends and family members on the importance of women’s safety.
Self assess how you yourself treat and act towards women.
Educate yourself on how you can make a woman feel safer when you’re walking at night or alone with them.
Donate to charities that take action against sexual violence.
Raise awareness by sharing messaging and important statistics. Make sure the content you share is from a reliable source.
Contact your MP and advocate for changing the law or policies so that there is more justice for victims of crime.
Here are just some of the many incredible organisations that are continually working to end violence against women:
So men, will you step up for women?